As patients, as family members, as friends, as health care providers, we have all faced end-of-life issues at one time or another, and we will face them again. And again.
This weekend, the "Engage With Grace" message is being broadcast virally, through a "blog rally," at a time when many people are with family and friends over the long weekend. The point is: we all need to have the potentially uncomfortable conversation with people close to us about what kind of treatment we would want, and they would want, if incapable of making or communicating health care decisions. CNN ran a story on Engage With Grace yesterday.
End-of-life decision-making has long been an issue of great personal and professional interest to me, and I am proud to have played a role in having out-of-hospital DNR orders recognized in Massachusetts by EMS providers, as an example.
Download your copies of the Massachusetts health care proxy form or other states' proxy or living will forms — and add specific instructions about nutrition, hydration, and anything else that is important to you so that everything is crystal clear. My mom kept a stack of living will forms in the dining room when I was growing up, and was not shy about raising the issue with dinner guests and offering to witness their directives. Having the conversation is a starting point; we all need to follow through and make sure that our loved ones' wishes are documented, placed in medical records, discussed with physicians and other caregivers, and honored.
When I have the opportunity to speak to groups of lawyers or health care providers, I often ask for a show of hands: how many of you have health care proxies? The percentage seems to have increased over time, but it is still not where it needs to be. If groups that should be above average in this respect are not all raising their hands, then we clearly have a lot to do in terms of educating the general public about the need to have the sometimes difficult conversation with friends and family members. That's what the Engage With Grace project is all about. And with that, I turn over this post to Engage With Grace:
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Things we are grateful for this year
For three years running now, many of us bloggers have participated in what we’ve called a “blog rally” to promote Engage With Grace – a movement aimed at making sure all of us understand, communicate, and have honored our end-of-life wishes.
The rally is timed to coincide with a weekend when most of us are with the very people with whom we should be having these unbelievably important conversations – our closest friends and family.
At the heart of Engage With Grace are five questions designed to get the conversation about end-of-life started. We’ve included them at the end of this post. They’re not easy questions, but they are important — and believe it or not, most people find they actually enjoy discussing their answers with loved ones. The key is having the conversation before it’s too late.
This past year has done so much to support our mission to get more and more people talking about their end-of-life wishes. We’ve heard stories with happy endings … and stories with endings that could’ve (and should’ve) been better. We’ve stared down political opposition. We’ve supported each other’s efforts. And we’ve helped make this a topic of national importance.
So in the spirit of the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend, we’d like to highlight some things for which we’re grateful.
Thank you to Atul Gawande for writing such a fiercely intelligent and compelling piece on “letting go”– it is a work of art, and a must read.
Thank you to whomever perpetuated the myth of “death panels” for putting a fine point on all the things we don’t stand for, and in the process, shining a light on the right we all have to live our lives with intent – right through to the end.
Thank you to TEDMED for letting us share our story and our vision.
And of course, thank you to everyone who has taken this topic so seriously, and to all who have done so much to spread the word, including sharing The One Slide.
We share our thanks with you, and we ask that you share this slide with your family, friends, and followers. Know the answers for yourself, know the answers for your loved ones, and appoint an advocate who can make sure those wishes get honored – it’s something we think you’ll be thankful for when it matters most.
Here’s to a holiday filled with joy – and as we engage in conversation with the ones we love, we engage with grace.
To learn more please go to www.engagewithgrace.org. This post was written by Alexandra Drane and the Engage With Grace team.